Smoked Salmon

{From Left to Right: Laurie, Paul, Kyle, Bronze, Elly, Damo, Connie, Pete, Treva. Not Pictured 😢: Anna}

This blog is mostly (and rightly so) about the lives of the little Totten boys, but I had the maybe once in a lifetime opportunity to go on a private raft trip down the main Salmon River in Idaho with my mom, my brother and seven others and I feel the need to document and share about the epic adventure the ten of us embarked upon together. Now, I'm not sure it was an epic adventure to everyone. There were five experienced rafters in the bunch and five of us who were mostly novices. I'm pretty sure the five of us novices would describe the trip as pretty epic and the five professionals would probably describe us unknowledgeable folks as maybe equal parts enthusiastic and annoying. I'm still going to call it epic, though. Damian obtained a permit for this trip through a lottery system and therefore he and his girlfriend Elly had the unenviable job of recruiting and organizing the trip - boats, gear, planning and shopping for every meal, and making sure there were enough experienced rowers to balance out the rest of us who didn't have any idea what we were doing. And they did an amazing job.

My mom and I met up with the rest of the group in Missoula, Montana where all the gear was packed into a trailer and then pulled by an old school bus that carried us to the river. It was about a four hour drive from Missoula to our put-in on the Salmon River in Idaho. By the time we got all the gear out of the bus/trailer and the boats inflated and loaded up with all that gear it was already pretty late in the day so we basically rowed across the river and set up camp for the night. Dinner was prepared and eaten by headlamp that night, we hung out a bit, and then tucked ourselves into our sleeping bags under the stars.

Each day we got up at a pretty leisurely pace for coffee and breakfast - made by Elly and some combination of sous chefs from amongst the rest of us. Some days breakfast was a buffet of hard boiled eggs, cereal, bagels, and yogurt. Other days it was things like egg scrambles, sausages, or French toast. Then we packed up all our stuff, loaded it back onto the boats, and headed off down the river at about 10:30 or 11:00.

Damo, Kyle, and Laurie were generally rowing the big rafts and sometimes Bronze took a turn at the oars. There were also three single white water kayaks (also called duckies). Pete and Paul each rowed a duckie each day, which basically left one more up for grabs for the rest of us. Elly, Connie, Anna, and I had never rowed a duckie before, but we each took a turn for at least one day and had a blast - or at least exhilarating fun.☺

Each day we had varying levels of tranquility and excitement on the river. Parts of each day was spent floating, chatting, and enjoying the beauty surrounding us and then we'd tuck our beer into the pocket of our life jacket and hold on or row as we went through rapids that ranged up to class IV. There were some big rapids and certainly the river got us pretty wet inside the boats, but no one ever fell out of one of the big rafts. I think Pete and Paul each took a swim in the river through a rapid, but both of them were able to flip their duckie back over and get back in on their own pretty quickly. Going through big rapids on the rafts was super fun, but rowing through on a duckie was pretty incredible. There were times when the wave in front of me looked like a giant wall that extended up over my head and I just had to keep pulling on the oars. And somehow I came up over each of those waves - probably by the grace of God, certainly not by skill.

We pulled in to beaches along the way each day for yummy sandwich bar style lunches and then continued on until we came across a beach that was a good distance/location on the river and suited our needs for camp that night. Then we got to work unloading the boats, setting up the kitchen, hand washing station, and groover (aka toilet - liquid waste had to go into the river, solid waste had to come with us when we left the river 😖). Depending on how far we wanted to go each day, how well me made time during the day, and the number of beached we had to pass up because they were already occupied, we came into camp each day anywhere from 2pm to 6pm. If we made camp early enough Kyle, as our self appointed activities director, would set up horseshoes, bocce ball, or kubb. Elly was our chef for dinner each night so we retrieved the ingredients she needed off of the boats and got to work helping her with the night's delicious meal. It never disappointed. And then each night we tucked ourselves into our sleeping bags on the beach under the stars. Laying in bed with a view of the stars and the sound of the river lulling me to sleep is something that was hard to leave behind. It was nothing less than incredible.

The weather was pretty perfect for most of the trip, warm but not hot. It rained a little on I think day four, but the most pervasive and memorable weather was the smoke from the surrounding forest fires. There were a couple of times on the trip when we could still see smoke rising off of the remains of burnt trees. It felt at times like the smoke was following or maybe chasing us down the river, a pretty ominous feeling. And of course the smoke from the surrounding fires is how this trip quickly became known to us as Smoked Salmon. I believe credit for that name goes to Laurie and Bronze.

This was an amazing trip for SO many reasons. I got to spend the time in an absolutely stunning place with my mom and brother and so many other wonderful people who will forever be etched in my memories. It was really difficult at first to be totally disconnected from the "real" world, but in the end that was one of the things that made it so special. The distractions were eliminated and I was able to just sit back and take in the beauty. In addition to all the fun we had as a group (and there was a lot of fun), it was also a week filled with self reflection. A lot of the time I was way out of my comfort zone (ex. squatting in ankle deep water to pee in plain view of the group 😲, and really everything involved in river rafting). It's weird to spend that amount of time feeling so completely inadequate in most of what I was doing. But I think as the trip progressed and I had lots of time to think about life, I came to realize that I'm pretty inadequate no matter what the setting and I spend way too much time trying to be good enough when in reality no matter how hard I try it's probably never really going to be "good enough". It's so much better to just shrug off the shitty stuff, decide that my faults and struggles don't define me, and in the end declare that I Choose Joy. Of course, this trip did not truly mimic real life, or at least not my life with three small boys in Seattle, but it was a really good place to clear out some of the distractions while still facing challenges and through it all gain perspective on life.

And I repeat, this was an epic adventure. I Choose Joy. 

Here are some photos of the experience...

{Ready and excited to get to Missoula}

{In Missoula the night before this adventure began}

Day 1:

{On the four hour bus ride from Missoula to the put-in on the Main Salmon River}

{Unpacked the bus - inflating and packing the boats}

{We set up camp this first night on the patch of sand you can see across the way a little up river}

Day 2:

Damo's boat: Treva; Kyle's boat: Anna & Connie; Laurie's boat: Bronze; Duckies: Pete, Paul, Elly

{Check out the Bald Eagles!}

Day 3:

Damo's boat: Elly; Kyle's boat: Anna & Treva; Laurie's boat: Bronze; Duckies: Pete, Paul, Connie

{We soon learned that Damo's standing pose meant he was scouting an approaching rapid}

{Elly on the oars!}

Day 4:

Damo's boat: Connie; Kyle's boat: Elly & Treva; Laurie's boat: Bronze; Duckies: Pete, Paul, Anna 

{We hiked up to a hot springs pool made in the rocks}

Day 5:

Damo's boat: Elly; Kyle's boat (rowed by Bronze): Connie & Anna; Laurie's boat: no one; Duckies: Pete, Paul, Treva; Kyle on a paddle board!

{Me smiling at the beginning of my 25 mile adventure rowing the duckie}

{Dance party around the campfire}

Day 6

Damo's boat: Treva; Kyle's boat (rowed by Laurie): Elly & Anna/Connie; Laurie's boat (rowed by Bronze): no one; Duckies: Pete, Paul, Connie/Anna; Kyle on a paddle board!

{Pete packing up the groover (aka toilet) in the morning.

{Paul giving the wine bag a slap}

{Nipple beers: get nipple deep into the water until you drink your entire beer}

{Glow in the dark Bocce Ball!!}

Day 7

Damo's boat: Treva; Kyle's boat: Elly & Anna; Laurie's boat: Bronze; Duckies: Pete, Paul, Connie 

{Morning of our last day on the river}

{I sure do miss these ladies}

{And this guy too ☺}

{Mom slapping the wine bag during our seven hour bus ride back to Missoula}

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And I would be remiss not to mention that I never would have been a part of this epic adventure if it wasn't for David supporting me and taking care of the boys. Just one more reason that he is my very favorite person in the whole world. Thank you, David, for not only letting me go do this, but encouraging me to do it when I thought I might not be able to handle it. Turns out that as always you were right. Next time, your turn.

{Taking a bus downtown while Cousin Anjali visited}

{Solo Dad took the three boys camping. Hero or crazy? Maybe both?}